


so cold

by violentv0id



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Actually a little bit of comfort, Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Platonic Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentv0id/pseuds/violentv0id
Summary: Life is a cruel thing and forces those far too young to grow up far too quickly. Happiness isn't always the endgame in the finality of things.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	so cold

**Author's Note:**

> Don't come at me please, this fic is platonic. I just have a lot of emotions about the current goings-on in the Dream SMP. So I had to write this.
> 
> Warning for the following, though; very vague mention of suicidal thoughts.

It was cold. The wind hurt his face and the rain blew in through the opening of that damn flimsy tent- He was cold, and he was so alone. He missed Tubbo- Missed his friend… The compass clutched tight to his chest offered little comfort nowadays.

Ghostbur did his best to distract him, did his best to keep his mind off the far from kind thoughts. That wasn’t enough though. He was alone and abandoned, the only person still around him wasn't even a full person. Just a fucking ghost of his dead once-friend. 

Every time he thought he heard footsteps outside his tent, his traitorous heart gave a jump of hope at just the absolutely tiny possibility it was Tubbo. This last time he didn’t even bother uncurling from under the ratty blanket he had draped over himself. It wasn’t Tubbo, never would be.

He was forgotten about, the only living person visiting him being the bastard that convinced the most important person in his life to send him away. The damned masked bastard who whispered poison in his ears and tried to convince him that even Tubbo hated him. 

The lies almost worked, almost had him throwing the one thing he had left that connected him to Tubbo out into the burning lava. He didn't do it, though. Couldn't do it. Sobbing for a full hour afterward, curled tight around that hunk of enchanted metal as if it were Tubbo himself.

He missed the other boy so much- Spending time with him and being able to be chaotic together. They had been through so much, so fucking much- Only to be torn apart from each other, and a chasm seemed to be growing wider than any ravine he'd ever come across. Uncrossable and dangerous. 

Scrubbing roughly at his cheeks to wipe away tears forming and trailing down his face, Tommy sat up and sighed shakily. Crying didn’t help anything. It may make him feel better for just a minute or two, but that was nothing to the weeks he'd been out here so far from home.

The memory that rose up, unwanted, had fresh tears welling up in eyes once blue. Now more grey- A memory of sitting with Tubbo on that bench. Discussion of running away. Truly, they would have had everything they ever cared about if actual plans were made and followed through that day. It was his fault those plans didn’t come to fruition. He had been the one that turned the idea down because of his _stupid fucking loyalty-_

Now, look where that got him. Cold, alone, abandoned. His spark was gone, he was beaten down and exhausted… Thoughts he shouldn’t even consider swimming around his head like sharks. Waiting to rip and tear apart any hope he may have.

Crawling out of the tent, not even caring about the rain soaking into his clothing, Tommy tilted his head back and stared up into the sky. Eyes closed, letting the rain hit his face. He was on the verge of being broken, fully, and irreparably. Shivers began wracking his body, the cold water seemingly soaking him to the bone. Really, he should get out of the rain and back into the tent, but he didn't care.

Slowly sinking to the muddy ground, he took the compass off from where he had it hanging around his neck like a necklace. Staring down at the little wobbling needle. Eyebrows furrowing, he looked a bit closer, watching the needle move more and more.

Unusual considering the last few days the needle hadn’t been moving at all, leaving Tommy to think he was so far away that the compass didn’t move because to it, Tubbo wasn't moving. Now the needle was moving, and it was pointing in the direction of the nether portal.

Shakily, not letting any hope bloom yet, Tommy rose to his feet and begun the trek to the portal. Ready to meet whoever may come out. It very well could be Dream, doing yet another thing to break Tommy down. Knowing that likely would be the very thing to finally snap the poor boy's will.

So, any warm hope stuffed impossibly far down, Tommy came to a stop in front of the looming obsidian portal. Staring into the ever-swirling purple film that led to the hellish nether. Watching and waiting, trying to prepare for the worst that could happen. 

The last thing he expected to see was Tubbo actually stepping out of the portal. It felt like all the air in his chest was punched out of him when he saw the other fully stepping out of the swirling purple. Not fully trusting himself to believe this wasn’t all just some sort of hallucination. 

But when soft and sad eyes looked directly at him, that was when Tommy _shattered._ Falling to the ground on his knees, hands clutching at the front of the torn and dirty fabric of his own shirt. Sobs wracking his body as he tried to force words out. He wanted to be angry, wanted to be furious, wanted to throw himself at Tubbo, and never let him go.

With no care of the fine fabric of the suit he had on, Tubbo took quick steps and quickly fell to his knees in front of Tommy, reaching out and gathering the taller in his arms. Clutching him close and not planning on letting go any time soon. Not caring about the rain now soaking him as well. Concern bloomed in his chest when he felt the shudders shaking the body in his arms. Not only from sobs, but from the cold as well. 

“Tommy…” He muttered quietly, sadness dripping from his voice like the very raindrops falling from the sky. At this very moment, he didn’t care about the threats dangling over his head, didn’t care that he had a country to rule, didn’t give a single fuck about what he was _supposed_ to be. One singular care overrode all others he had in his mind right now, the care for the broken figure of his dear friend in his arms. 

Regret festered in the back of his mind, whispering in a poisonous tone that he was the reason for this. He knew he was the one that did this, knew he was the one that sent Tommy out- Knew that he should have come and talked to his friend, knew that he could have done something. Opposed Dream in some sort of way, anything to reverse the absolute hell that Tommy had been going through. Guilt was like a lead ball settling in his gut. 

He had to fix this, somehow. Had to help and try to repair what he had done. To start, he needed to get Tommy out of the rain, into some sort of shelter. “Tommy, we need to get out of the rain. I’m not leaving, I promise… C’mon, big man.” Leaning back and looking down at Tubbo, Tommy’s eyes were glassy. A sob of his own caught in the smaller boy’s throat when he realized how dull the once bright blue had gotten. 

Nodding mechanically, Tommy stood with only a slight stumble. Tubbo rose with him and grabbed one of his hands with no hesitation. Sticking with the plan of not letting go anytime soon. He may not be able to fix everything, but he wanted to at least do his best to show he still cared so deeply. That he wanted to make the tall blonde boy feel loved properly again.

So, he trailed right alongside as Tommy slowly trudged back to his camp. Back to the little tent that had been his home for the entirety of his time as an exile. Sure, there were other structures he could have chosen, but this tent was what he made home. Once they were inside, he less sat down and more collapsed. Dragging Tubbo down with him. 

A small noise of surprise was the only sound that escaped Tubbo, but he recomposed himself as best he could. Then he reached up to lay his hands lightly on both of Tommy’s cheeks, resting his forehead against the other’s. Closing his eyes and sighing shakily. _“Tommy, I am so sorry.”_ Tubbo muttered, voice wavering and tears threatening to overflow from his eyes. 

Tired and broken mind figuring he’d not get this again in a long time, Tommy dragged Tubbo into his lap just to have him close. To have someone he cared about near him. Wrapping his arms around the other and pressing his face against the crook of his neck. Chasing warmth to expel the chill that was bone-deep. “Tubbo, I’m so cold.” He muttered, voice broken and rasping.

Moving to run his fingers through blonde hair, Tubbo frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. Stress lines forming on his forehead. He was far too young to have such lines on his face, to have so many scars. To have so much trauma and pain- Both of them were far too young and were forced to be grown up much too soon. 

They did have one another, but recently they didn’t even have that. Only the smallest bloom of hope tucked away in his chest was still struggling to stay alive. A small, much quieter mutter saying maybe things could get better. “Please don’t leave me again Tubbo. Don’t- Don’t send me away and leave me behind.”

A feather-light kiss was pressed to the top of Tommy’s head, and arms wrapped around him firmly. “I’m here now, and I’m not leaving.” The conviction in his voice was almost enough to convince him.

Tomorrow would bring more struggles, more pain, but right now they could soak in each other’s presence again. The two boys fell asleep, limbs tangled and tucked close to combat the chill. Innocent, pure, something that the world sought to destroy. For now, they had each other again. For now, asleep, they didn’t have to worry.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to yell at me in the comments if this hurt. I hurt myself a little bit writing this, tbh.


End file.
